Believing You Can

Kristen

When I was in high school, my best friend and I tried out for the soccer team.  I grew up in a family where sports were not pushed in any way, so high school was my first experience playing soccer.  For 3 years, from March until May I couldn't wait for game days-those were the days where I could sit the bench and relax, because my coaches absolutely hated me.

Now I know that hate is a strong word, but sadly my two coaches really shaped in me a belief that I could not do well in sports and specifically I was a huge failure at running.  At the start of each practice we had to run.  The best days were when we would run around the field a few times.  A few times a week though, we did the dreaded "church" run.  It was called this because we ran halfway across town, around this church, and back again.  Well, my friend and I, and another player, were so very slow that we started to cut off the whole block of the church just to sort of catch up.  Can you imagine being so slow you are cutting out probably 3/4 of a mile just to sort of maintain pace?

So now we are back at the field huffing and puffing ready to catch our breath like everyone else who has been back for 5-10 minutes.  Instead of a break, the coaches wait for the last people to arrive, and of course they know it's the 3 of us.  We are immediately told to line up.  Now we can look like fools and run sprints up and down the field for the next 30 minutes against these people who have had a chance to recover.  

In the 3 years that I played soccer-and "play" is a loose term here-never once did these coaches make me feel like I belonged on a soccer field.  I get that we are not all superstars trust me.  But never once did they say-Great practice-way to show up today. They were not subtle about the fact that at best we were tolerated and at worst we were made to feel like the worst players.  

Fortunately, my best friend is still my best friend and we have recently talked about this with 20 years between us and high school.  Looking back, we can't believe that as 2 coaches they were so brutal.  They shaped for a long time how we feel about sports in general.  It especially shaped how we look at running.  We were made to believe that we could not run.

What's interesting is this:  I have finally let go of these feelings.  I have proven to myself that I can run.  I will never be the fastest but I am certainly not the slowest.  And now, 20 years later, I believe in myself.